How to create gratitude if you have a history of child abuse

How to create gratitude if you have a history of child abuse

The pressure of gratitude has kepts me away from the painful and feelings of grief, anger, and abandonment. Growing up, gratitude became another brick in the pile that kept all the secrets of trauma alive. It was just one thing that made me feel like I am, as I am, not enough. ” ~ Vicki Peterson

How to create gratitude if you have a history of child abuse,Healing the Shame of Childhood Abuse Through Self-Compassi,Trauma Survivors and Gratitude

The path to congratulating someone with a growing trauma is not always straightforward.

You try your best and even buy a magazine specifically to try out your culture, but all you can think of to be thankful for are the usual stock items, like an roof over your head and your warms bed.

Sometime you thinks, “I have to be thankful for this and that,” but your heart is still.

If so, you are not alone.

Practicing gratitude has become part of self-improvement and treatment, but shouting “thank you for what you have” advice to the victim can make him or her feel worse.

It happened to me, too. I tried, but the feeling was gone, and the "as if something was wrong with me" forever hit me in the head.

One day I was walking across the river, watching the waves crash on the sandy beach. Carefully, I thought about how lucky I was to live in this beautiful place, but I wondered, "Why can't I hear it?"

You locked up your childhood. ”The thought struck a responsive chord in my mind and heart.

And it all started to make sense.

Meet the ungrateful Pig

I grew up with an unhappy mother who was suffering from the emotional and physical abuse of her family for generations. A weak sense of self-worth, relentless anxiety, and depression kept him in prison.

He could not have dealt with any other way without expressing his pain to us - me and my father. People who loved and loved him, too, in his destructive way.

Mother tried her best, and she never failed to meet our material needs. She even sewed brightly colored clothes for me, while my friends dressed in the finest, healthiest costumes of the communist past. But the value was high: complete obedience and gratitude, even in the face of abuse.

Rejoice that I have given you life. I almost died!

Do you know how many children without mothers, you are an ungrateful pig ?!

Say thanks you for not sending you to a orphanage.

He has everything you need. Why not just be quiet and thankful?

Thank you?

Yes, I was, as my natural counselor advised. My mother not only minimized or suppressed my feelings and needs, and she also wanted me to enjoy the pain connected with gratitude. Any gratitude I have heard is therefore melted away with shame, anger, and despair. That forced gratitude was self-inflicted.

How to create gratitude if you have a history of child abuse,Healing the Shame of Childhood Abuse Through Self-Compassi,Trauma Survivors and Gratitude

And thank you, I felt so bad.

I grew up accepting my mother's identity. I forgave him in time, but gratitude remained a stumbling block in my treatment. So I put the magazine on the back of my bookshelf, between the Nietzsche and the South Beach Diet.

How can I enjoy the word “thank you” when I have even lost its meaning? How can I trust myself, my experiences, and my feelings?

Now I understood, but I did not hear. Until last week.

Let me explain.

The Way to Be Happy Lies With Curly Hair

A week ago, I was talking to my hairdresser while he was treating my curly hair. It's the kind of thing you can think of to keep it in shape, and after a while it turns into something else, like an inkwell that moves when a small piece of paper is moved.

We were talking about family and politics, and then comparing it to curly hair, and you recommend mine. Unexpectedly, I felt grateful for the uncontrollable hair I had: they fit well with my face.

But I always knew that. What made the difference?

Silke, my barber, is one of the most loving people I have ever known. He’s honest, kind, and funny, and I enjoy spending time with him. When she complimented my hair, I felt good not only for the physical part but also for myself. At that point, something changed, and I finally moved from “thinking” to “feeling”

I still have to put in some work to use it, but in the end I know how grateful it feels.

There Is Nothing Wrong With You

As a child, you had nowhere to go and no power to fight the adults in your life, so you hid your feelings to protect yourself. To feel it again, you need to accept and own your own unique, good and bad experience.

You need to consider those rejected, silenced feelings you still have inside - sadness, anger, and shame - to create a space of joy, compassion, and gratitude. Reconnect with your smart personality and change your outlook on life.

When you can do both good and bad at the same time and see the other side of events, you can feel grateful for the strength of your strength that helped you to survive. Warmth for the person who gave you love when your parent did not know. Be grateful for your sensitive and sensitive side that is in line with the needs of others.

But you do not have to be in pain.

Gratitude Is Good for you

Gratitude brings hope, promotes well-being, and gives your life energy. Do you want that? All right, let's go!

Here's what I want you to do. Pay attention to the things that happen in your daily life that make you feel good, and open your senses. Notice what’s subtle, yet clear “here and now” in your body - these are the essential parts of each experience you want to know.

Notice how soft the warm sun feels on your skin and how soothing the singing of birds is.

Feel the warmth in your chest as you look into the baby's eyes, and the bobbles in your stomach as your partner holds you in his arms.

No matter how the smell of freshly baked bread brings you back to your happiest memories, and the subtle taste of caramel for your favorite tea.

Be aware of the smile on your face when you respond to the friendly smile of a stranger passing by, or how nice it is when the evening breeze strokes your hair.

Notice the feeling of sand stuck between your toes, and the rhythm of your breathing.

After that, before going to bed, you can still touch these happy feelings “here now” no matter how short they were. Learn to pay attention to your surroundings and your body.

For example, tonight I will sleep comfortably and happily after spending the day with an old friend. We had a wonderful time walking in the park, talking about things that are important to both of us, and recalling memories we shared. I will remember listening and understanding and remember the feeling of warmth in my chest. I will end my day with that true note of gratitude.

There are so many little things you can see every day if you pay attention and use your understanding - they are a source of joy and gratitude. Zoom in!

Learning to recognize the moment and the physical emotions takes time and exercise, but it is worth it. It helps to restore a real sense of gratitude and reduce the numbness many people with developmental traumas experience.

You can do it!


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                                                                                      [Author - nahkuS (Life Thinkers)

                                                                                      image with permission  - pixabay.com]

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